I'm a big girl now.

I didn't think I'd like it.
I was right.
I didn't.
I loved it.

Too much fun. No responsibility. That's the best part.

It's like you've got a cloud around your head. A cloud of confusion, sugar and humor. Everything is funny.
The sky is blue, hilarious. The grass is green, piss yourself.

I watched as the others had more. I'm not stupid, I have self control. Four was enough.

Sitting in the room, shots on the table. I felt fine.
"I'm in control" I repeated in my head.
"I'm in perfect control".
I repeated this so many times that I didn't notice my breathing getting deeper.
I started to laugh as my friend fell. All dressed in our short dresses and heels.
Pretending to be older.

I don't know why I thought it was going to be a good idea. I was certain I would stay clean until I was at least 17.

And for how long it lasted, it was great. I was about half and half. 2 of my closest friends were bouncing off the walls, while I remained seated and watched.

Then it stopped being funny.

The park was the only place to go. To wait, and pray, for it to leave our system. We all set off. I was 3rd worst. I had to be guided across the street, while the other 2 had to nearly be carried. We went up the stairs and I was fine.

"I'm in control" I repeated again.
"I'm in perfect control".

The non-drinkers kindly looked after us. I must have been such a bother.
We walked into a small area on the grass. It was passed 11:30 by this point, curfew at 11:45.

1 ran every chance she got. Laughing into the wind.
The other, wasn't having as much fun.

Her body was reacting to the self-inflicted poison of vodka. She couldn't stand, couldn't open her eyes and could barely keep her head up. She made a lovely pattern of vomit on the grass.

Water, bread, sitting down, breathing. All this did nothing.
She was our host.
We had to take her home to her parents, who thought we were going to the movies, not a pub.

We finally decided to go. She was having emotional fits, as was I and the other girl. I fell asleep several times whilst walking, luckily the guy carrying me was strong. I was fully conscious, I knew what I was doing. I could have gotten up at any time if I had wanted to, I just didn't want to.

We got in the cab, went to her house, and struggled to get her out of the taxi as she refused.

Her mother came. We went inside.
"Did you drink?" she asked us individually.
"No" I said, shaking my head. I was sobered up by now, the bumpy car ride had jolted some sense into me.

We got inside, the girl already with her parents. We all just sat.
Thinking of a story.
A lie.
A cover up so we wouldn't get killed.

Her mum called everyones mum. Including mine.
I didn't want to go home.

I finally did, and mum was surprisingly understanding. It wasn't like I had more that 5.

But, I have been grounded. For the first time in my life.

I can't "party" until I'm in Uni.

But even if I could, I wouldn't.
As much fun as I was having, I could barely see straight. Everything was funny, and then 2 seconds later I was crying for no reason.
We were thanking the one guy who stayed behind to help us, and we all started crying.

I don't think I can look at them on monday.
I don't think I can look at anyone for the rest of the week.

This will blow up.
Everyone will find out.

I'll either be kicked out, or suspended.
I'll be arrested.
Somehow, this is going to hit me in the ass, and hard.

I felt that I needed to tell someone the truth.
Mum thinks I only had a sip. Not 4 full on shots.
She thinks I was in my own mind. Not a drunken haze.
She thinks I helped my friends up the stairs. Not the other way around.

What the hell am I doing?
This isn't me.
I don't dress slutty.
I don't act that way in public.
I am the responsible one.
I am never the one that needs to be taken care of.
Who am I?

Have I really changed that much since I left?

I can't tell this to anyone else. So I thought I would tell you guys, my closest friends.
I've learnt from this.
I'm not going to do this again for a very VERY long time.
It was a scientific experiment.
I now know the result.
And how bad it could get.

But I was safe. I had a guy with me who would beat up anyone who looked twice at us.
Who stayed with us, just to make sure we were okay.
It's a pity he's not single.

I feel I've changed from this.
Maybe for the better, or the worse.
I know what I'm doing when it comes to alcohol now.
I know how much I can take.
And how much my friends can take.
So I know when to hold them back.
And when to make myself stop.
And be responsible again.
Because that's what I am.
The responsible friend.
Not the drunken loser, who needs someone to hold her up.

Good luck on your exams!!!

And enjoy that Tangle ^_^ those things are fun, I must admit.

I personally get my kicks off bluetack, but still, Tangles are epic fun.

Good luck!

And also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENNA. Love you and miss you like hell! I posted a comment on facebook, but I'm guessing it's still blocked at your school, so I'm saying it now =D

FOR IT IS MY TANGLE!!

I have 3 tests tomorrow

Geography in the morning

Science in the middle of the day

And Drama in the afternoon.

And damnit I am going to take my Tangle in with me.
It helps me concentrate, twirling those curved bits of plastic around my fingers.
And If I have to do it under the table (which, albeit, looks very suggestive) I WILL!!

BECAUSE I LOVE MY TANGLE!! AND I WILL PASS MY TESTS!!

And although it may look like a dog has chewed on it, swallowed it, and excreted it. I LOVE IT!!
FOR IT IS MY TANGLE!! THE ONE I ONLY BOUGHT YESTERDAY! BUT I HAVE WORN IT OUT IN 1 DAY ALL THE SAME!

And I shall have it forever. For it is my Tangle. And it shall be called Tangey. And it shall be mine. It shall be my Tangey.



p.s wish me luck on my tests!!!

xx

xD

Lolcats are indeed hilarious... but I swear, nothing can go past Learn From My Fail.

oh oh oh!!

Haked IRL, ROFLazzi and LOLcats are my faves :D

I know what you mean....

I practically scream when the site updates. >_>

VDM and poorlydressed.com.

Pfft.

I practically live on that site.

and it can be called Wilber. I have no idea why, it just sprang to mind.

:D

It was?

Ooh! What's it called?

...And that post read surprisingly similarly to a Very Demotivational poster. Someone's been visiting that site a lot lately, huh?

...and don't go pointing out the fact that I KNEW it read like a VDM poster... >_>

A gay baby.

It was just born...