By the sounds of things..

I'll be having to go to the funeral. I think my whole year group is going. I'm not sure how that will go down with the family, but I guess that's about forty times more tears that'll be shed, now.
I honestly don't think I should be going.. not because I just don't WANT to go. I mean, well, yeah I don't really want to go. I've never seen Kirsty grieve in my life, the only time I ever saw her cry was in Year 7 because of homesickness, and another time that year where she nearly drowned.
I've always only seen her happy and optimistic, seeing the good side of everything even when shit goes down.
She'll have changed, now. I'm not sure how I'll react to seeing that. I'm a little scared of that. I'm also unsure of how I'll react knowing her father's lying dead in a wooden box right next to us.

But that's not why I don't want to go. It just doesn't feel RIGHT. I don't have a good feeling about me going. I know it's right for Jess to go, because she's a close friend of Kirsty's, and all of the Saumarez girls should go too (Saumarez is the boarding house they all live in). Also other girls that Kirsty hangs out with. But me? I don't know Kirsty that well.. barely, really, despite knowing her for so long.
If it weren't for that, I would go even with the knowledge of knowing that it would be hard.
But it just doesn't feel right.

*sigh* I guess I could try to be of support. To Jess, definitely.

Wish me luck..? =/

~lylt,
The Aliway.