Well, great.

Looks like I just lost my best fucking friend in the world. Because judging by this, here's how it's going to go -

Bitching.

Continue bitching.

Both of us to proud to get over our stupid egos, so continue bitching.

Glenna's fucking good at being a bitch (especially to me when she's mad at me) so continue bitching.

If this was back at school, maybe - give or take a few days or weeks - this could have ended.

But it's not. You're over there and I'm over here.

You clearly don't realise how much I care about you, how I would check my emails every single day in the hope you'd have replied, how it hurt when you hadn't. How excited I was, three weeks after not getting an email, to see one from you; only to find it was some bitch rant about you hate your friends.

About how you hate all australians and australia can get fucked. I don't want to bring politics into anything, but I still felt cut that you'd insult my country. I've never insulted americans, why are you insulting me?

So it felt REALLY great, after waiting all that time, to see that that's what my long-awaited reply was to be.

You go on about being in your 'hell' as if I can do something about it. WHAT can I do, Glenna?? WHAT do you want me to do?? Take you away? Fly you to your beloved Colorado - yet further away from me? Somehow force everyone in that place to like you?

As if you're the only one suffering, the only one having problems. My dad's fucking wedding is in May. I had to spend my holidays telling his fiancee - the woman he cheated on my mum with - that she looked beautiful in her dress. That the wedding rings looked lovely. That somehow, the falling-apart of my family was a BEAUTIFUL thing.

I may not have people openly bitching at me, but it's been fucking hard since everyone left. The only person I have left here is Bonnie, and half the time she's off with everyone else, bored with me.

At least people care enough about you to diagnose you, annoying as it may be. People don't CARE what's wrong with me. I'm stuck in my room, in my head, shit going on in there and I don't know WHAT it is. I don't even KNOW what's wrong with me, and nobody cares enough to find out. Nobody really cares. They tell you to 'not bottle it up', but shit, you open your mouth and nobody wants to hear about it, either.

Don't go on as if you're the only one with problems, because while it may not be as hard for me as it is for you, life isn't a fucking merry-go-round, either. It's a fucking horror house and I can't get out, my head's all retarded and I don't know what it is that's making me scared or depressed or angry, but it's like there's a demon inside my head trying to possess me and it's horrible.

And you go on as if I don't care two shits about you - you have no idea how wrong you are.

I tell all my friends that my best friend in the fucking world is an american and I love her to death. Yes, all of them. When Cassie goes on about my "crazy american friend" I defend you; yes, I tell her "Hey, she was just a bit jealous, ok? She's still my best friend, really, I love her to death - she's fine when she doesn't hate you."

When I list my "best friends" I list Glenna Marletto first. Because I've always considered Glenna Marletto my best friend. Yeah, she's crazy, yeah, she's temperamental, yeah she's jealous and needy and can't get along with anyone. But she's MY BEST FRIEND. And no matter how often we fight, even when she death glares me or writes shit about me or insults me or tells everyone how much she hates me because I'm a hypocrite bitch cunt who doesn't care about her, I STILL LOVE HER TO DEATH. Yeah, you probably don't believe it. I can see you rolling your eyes right now; there you go, right there, just like every single time we've fought, that eye-roll that would drive me absolutely bananas and make me throw tables.

You don't see how I miss you every single day to the point that it hurts. How I'd wish I could just take you back and hug you and hide you from tori and cassie and the bitches at your school. How I secretly wished, though I'd never say it, that you could just learn to GET THE FUCK ALONG with other people.

So that it WOULDN'T be so hard for you. So that you WOULDN'T have to be miserable because 'everyone hates you'.

You know why people can't get along with you? Because first, you cling to them. Then, when they get suffocated and try to nudge you away a little just so they can breathe, you get scared and cling harder. When they try to breathe, you take it as a sign that they hate you, for some reason. You think they're pushing you away so then you get jealous. You don't want to let them go, seeing them with anyone else hurts; they seem to be 'having more fun', suddenly that OTHER person is more of a friend than you and you don't like that.

So then you get irritable as well as jealous. They get annoyed with your sudden PMS-out-of-nowhere. Then, ultimately, a fight starts.

I don't know why you do it. I don't know if you've always done that, or if you do it because you're scared. Do you think everyone will drift out of your life, unless you cling onto them? Is that what life has taught you?

I don't know how many fights or arguments will tell you that I still haven't drifted away despite that. You cling onto me as if I'm running from you; yet, I'm still here, upset and pissed because; believe it or not; I ACTUALLY CARE.

Yep, four and a half years later I'm still here. Still calling you my best friend.

I don't know if anyone else has drifted. Maybe all of your friends in the past have eventually drifted away; is that why you now cling onto every new friend you make?

Either way, I think that the fact that I've stayed with you for all these years is saying something. Stop being so scared that I'm going to float off too. You may think that all my 'other' friends are more important to me, closer to me, just because they're physically with me. But I promise you've got it all wrong, because none of these guys, not even Bonnie, would stick up for me in the way that you have. That's why you're my best friend, because despite the stupid fights and everything, we still managed to patch it up and remain best friends. You still stuck up for me when I was being bullied in year 7 and I'll never forget that. Did Cassie stick up for me in Year 7? Did she ever stick up for me?

I guess that what I'm trying to say is, yeah. I'm pissed. I'm upset. I'm bitching and ranting and screaming and yelling and crying. What you said in those last two blogs really pissed me off and REALLY hurt me.

But it hurt me because I actually care, despite what you're saying.

I'm upset and angry, but I'm NOT drifting away, despite what you believe.

Thing is, I know you too well, and you're way too proud to believe that I could possibly be telling the truth. So you won't believe me. And this stupid fucking farce is going to continue.

God, I don't know why I wrote all of that, you probably didn't even read it. You probably don't care, you don't want to be told you're wrong, especially from me. But hell, it's not like "I care", is it?